three winters ago

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” — Albus Dumbledore

. . .

Three winters ago
All I can remember is being
Anchored to my bed, unable to move
Unable to do anything but lie there and stare up at the ceiling
As if staring at it long enough would help me forget
Everything

I let myself drown in sadness
Longing to be held, touched, loved
To be noticed, cherished, appreciated
Days turned into nights and nights into days
And I feared I would succumb to the warmth
My own misery gave me

Now, I crave the touch of the sun
Its long fingers reaching out to stroke my cheek tenderly,
Whispering that it’s time to wake up
I daydream about surviving
On three hours of sleep
Watching the sun set, and waiting for it to rise again

I crave the exhilaration one gets from laughing,
And I crave euphoria, passion, pleasure
All that makes me human

My heart sinks when it’s time to sleep
When just three winters ago,
I would’ve given anything to be left alone.

I have fallen in love with breathing and the sound of my heart beating.
I have fallen in love with being alive.